October holds so many memories for me. Some are good memories, some are not so good.
10 years ago I started dating the love of my life. I don't know how to even describe Seth and me. From the moment we started dating, we were inseparable. We spent the first 36 hours together falling in love. Then we went on a week long bike ride with his family to Tennessee. I was done looking. I had found him. But 4 years later, in Daytona Beach, FL during Biketoberfest, I knew in my heart that it was over between us. We broke up shortly after that, and I have never been in love so deeply or had anywhere near the same kind of connection with any other person.
4 years ago I put in my two weeks notice at the hotel where I was working. In October 2006, I packed up everything I owned and moved to Dallas, TX. I had never lived outside Indiana, and I had never been out of driving distance of my parents. I left my life. I had good friends in Indy that helped me get through the devastation after Seth. But, they were all moving on with their lives, getting married, having kids. I was on my own. With the opportunity to further my career and experience life outside of Indiana, I left on a journey. I learned a lot about myself in Texas. I met a boy, we dated, I fell in love...he didn't. October 2009 was my first trip to New York City to visit this boy I loved. It was there, after almost 2 years of dating on and off, that I finally realized that it wasn't me he wanted.
Fast forward one year to this October. Here I am back in Indianapolis, back at that very same hotel I left 4 years ago, in the very same office. Much is the same, but plenty is different. I find myself reflecting on my October memories this year, as yet another relationship possibility passes me by. I miss October in Dallas. I miss the state fair, I miss the haunted house in Fort Worth...and most of all I miss my friends. I know my friends are spread out all over the country now, but the people I met in Dallas I will always remember fondly, especially in October. October has been a month of beginnings and changes and endings for me. Despite it all, it has always been my favorite month. But I think from now on, I'll take vacations in a different month.
These are the stories of a single 30-something girl trying to keep a positive attitude about life. However, sometimes it really sucks.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
you forget your external hard drive
I have no iTunes today at work and I want to stab pens in my ears.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
you commute to work
Every morning on my 8 mile commute to and from work I find myself extremely frustrated with the following things (not in any particular order):
1. The speed limit is 55 mph, but we are only going 30 mph.
2. The light turns green, but we are still sitting there as if at a red light.
3. Semi trucks think they can change lanes whenever they want, even if there is already a car or 4 in said lane.
4. It takes me anywhere from 30-45 minutes to make the 8 mile long commute.
5. People pull into an intersection even when there is no room for them to get through, prohibiting me from being able to move when I get the green light.
6. All the radio stations play California Gurls by Katy Perry on repeat.
7. There is no Starbucks on either of the 2 most convenient routes.
8. The bumpy roads.
9. I get about 9 miles to the gallon due to all the stopping and going.
10. There aren't even any cute guys to look at in the cars next me.
These are just a few of the things that drive me crazy on an almost twice daily basis. I have always considered myself a fairly patient driver, but this is going to send me over the edge one of these days. Who would have ever thought that one thing I'd miss about Dallas is the traffic!!
1. The speed limit is 55 mph, but we are only going 30 mph.
2. The light turns green, but we are still sitting there as if at a red light.
3. Semi trucks think they can change lanes whenever they want, even if there is already a car or 4 in said lane.
4. It takes me anywhere from 30-45 minutes to make the 8 mile long commute.
5. People pull into an intersection even when there is no room for them to get through, prohibiting me from being able to move when I get the green light.
6. All the radio stations play California Gurls by Katy Perry on repeat.
7. There is no Starbucks on either of the 2 most convenient routes.
8. The bumpy roads.
9. I get about 9 miles to the gallon due to all the stopping and going.
10. There aren't even any cute guys to look at in the cars next me.
These are just a few of the things that drive me crazy on an almost twice daily basis. I have always considered myself a fairly patient driver, but this is going to send me over the edge one of these days. Who would have ever thought that one thing I'd miss about Dallas is the traffic!!
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
you're single in your 30's
My other single friend sent me this link today:
http://www.lemondrop.com/2010/06/30/its-okay-to-be-single-in-your-thirties-unless-youre-a-gir/
I appreciated the thought of this article, and the comments were fun to read. The older I get into my 30's, the more I feel people looking at me with pity. This very well could be my own perception, my own projections of what I think people are thinking. But as they say...perception is reality. This guy is dead on about single girls in their 30's having to answer for the reasons why. It hasn't been for lack of trying, and I honestly don't feel that I'm too picky. I just haven't quite figured out yet why relationship after relationship has failed for me.
As this year's birthday is upon me, I think back to days when I was in a good relationship (or at least what I thought was good at the time). Seth and I were together for close to 5 years. I thought I would marry him. He was an amazing boyfriend, I mean amazing. And maybe that's where I go wrong, no one I have dated since him has been able to measure up. He treated me like I was the only person in his world that mattered, he made me a part of his life in every aspect...that is until he didn't. For whatever reason, Seth pulled away from me after a few years of dating. I fought very hard to keep him in my life, because he was all I had ever wanted. Needless to say, our relationship ended and he's moved on. I have pretended to move on, but even after 6 years haven't been able to get that relationship out of my head.
We got a cat together, this cat I still have and love like she's my child. Every time I look at her, pet her...he's there. He made every birthday and holiday the most special day. And not only special days, he made everyday special in his own way. He would leave me notes, messages on the mirror, sweet voicemails and texts. Everyday was worth living when he was in my life. Being back in Indianapolis has made those memories even stronger.
When I really sit and think about it, I was 100% myself when I was with Seth. I don't think that I have ever really allowed anyone in like I did with him. And maybe there lies the foundation of my issues in dating. He told me when we broke up that he couldn't make me happy and that I would find someone that could. Maybe I'm just determined to prove him wrong. I miss him. Or maybe I mostly miss the idea of him...I miss the way that I felt when we were together.
So, now I'm in my early 30's and single. A few more failed relationships that added to the broken heart I already had. For the most part, I'm happy to be where I am in life. I have great friends, an incredibly supportive family and I job I love most days. I pay my own bills and have the financial stability to enjoy my life. Why can't that be enough? I don't think I want to have kids, so why the desire to find someone to share my life with? Because I don't want to be alone on my birthday. I want someone who will make a big deal of it, even though I say I don't, just because they love me. I want someone who will go to the movies with me on a Sunday afternoon without having to find a babysitter or bring their boyfriend along. I want someone who is all mine, and I'm his. I want to feel his arms around me when I'm feeling sad or scared and know that everything will be alright. I want someone in my life that I can be completely open with all the time and know that he will never think less of me.
I have come to the conclusion that this may not happen for me, and when I explain this, I would appreciate people not telling me I'm crazy. Its a reasonable conclusion at this point. Does this mean I've given up? I don't think so. He might be out there, but I refuse to make it my number one priority to find a husband. Like "S" in that article, I would like to find love when its supposed to happen, not because I force it to. I suppose I am a romantic and would like to be swept off my feet by my prince charming in some unexpected scenario, not by some guy who thought I looked cute on match.com. I have made it this far as a single woman, and if I don't meet the love of my life, I know that everything will be ok. I would live the rest of my life alone rather than in some horrible relationship because I felt the need to settle to please friends, family and society.
http://www.lemondrop.com/2010/06/30/its-okay-to-be-single-in-your-thirties-unless-youre-a-gir/
I appreciated the thought of this article, and the comments were fun to read. The older I get into my 30's, the more I feel people looking at me with pity. This very well could be my own perception, my own projections of what I think people are thinking. But as they say...perception is reality. This guy is dead on about single girls in their 30's having to answer for the reasons why. It hasn't been for lack of trying, and I honestly don't feel that I'm too picky. I just haven't quite figured out yet why relationship after relationship has failed for me.
As this year's birthday is upon me, I think back to days when I was in a good relationship (or at least what I thought was good at the time). Seth and I were together for close to 5 years. I thought I would marry him. He was an amazing boyfriend, I mean amazing. And maybe that's where I go wrong, no one I have dated since him has been able to measure up. He treated me like I was the only person in his world that mattered, he made me a part of his life in every aspect...that is until he didn't. For whatever reason, Seth pulled away from me after a few years of dating. I fought very hard to keep him in my life, because he was all I had ever wanted. Needless to say, our relationship ended and he's moved on. I have pretended to move on, but even after 6 years haven't been able to get that relationship out of my head.
We got a cat together, this cat I still have and love like she's my child. Every time I look at her, pet her...he's there. He made every birthday and holiday the most special day. And not only special days, he made everyday special in his own way. He would leave me notes, messages on the mirror, sweet voicemails and texts. Everyday was worth living when he was in my life. Being back in Indianapolis has made those memories even stronger.
When I really sit and think about it, I was 100% myself when I was with Seth. I don't think that I have ever really allowed anyone in like I did with him. And maybe there lies the foundation of my issues in dating. He told me when we broke up that he couldn't make me happy and that I would find someone that could. Maybe I'm just determined to prove him wrong. I miss him. Or maybe I mostly miss the idea of him...I miss the way that I felt when we were together.
So, now I'm in my early 30's and single. A few more failed relationships that added to the broken heart I already had. For the most part, I'm happy to be where I am in life. I have great friends, an incredibly supportive family and I job I love most days. I pay my own bills and have the financial stability to enjoy my life. Why can't that be enough? I don't think I want to have kids, so why the desire to find someone to share my life with? Because I don't want to be alone on my birthday. I want someone who will make a big deal of it, even though I say I don't, just because they love me. I want someone who will go to the movies with me on a Sunday afternoon without having to find a babysitter or bring their boyfriend along. I want someone who is all mine, and I'm his. I want to feel his arms around me when I'm feeling sad or scared and know that everything will be alright. I want someone in my life that I can be completely open with all the time and know that he will never think less of me.
I have come to the conclusion that this may not happen for me, and when I explain this, I would appreciate people not telling me I'm crazy. Its a reasonable conclusion at this point. Does this mean I've given up? I don't think so. He might be out there, but I refuse to make it my number one priority to find a husband. Like "S" in that article, I would like to find love when its supposed to happen, not because I force it to. I suppose I am a romantic and would like to be swept off my feet by my prince charming in some unexpected scenario, not by some guy who thought I looked cute on match.com. I have made it this far as a single woman, and if I don't meet the love of my life, I know that everything will be ok. I would live the rest of my life alone rather than in some horrible relationship because I felt the need to settle to please friends, family and society.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
someone posts your blog on their facebook page
and doesn't even ask you first. That is very rude, in my opinion.
Monday, March 22, 2010
you have to move office buildings
My company has been talking for months about moving office buildings, and finally decided on a place about a mile north of the old building. So, this past Friday we had to pack up our cubes and show up to a different building on Monday.
I wasn't looking forward to this move. They told us our cube space would be cut almost in half and instead of having about 90 people split between 3 office spaces, we would all be in one room...oh, and adding 2 or so more departments into the same space.
I was told in the beginning that I would have a window seat, only to be told later that it was really just a concrete wall. Like I said, I wasn't looking forward to this move.
But...it's really not so bad. The office is much quieter than I thought it would be with so many people in it, and my window seat is actually a window seat, with tons of sunlight streaming in during the morning hours. The new phone system is really cool and the new building has a lot more amenities than the old one. All in all, I'm happy with the new workspace, as it's not as small as they made it seem.
They are taking away casual Friday, however, which really does suck!
I wasn't looking forward to this move. They told us our cube space would be cut almost in half and instead of having about 90 people split between 3 office spaces, we would all be in one room...oh, and adding 2 or so more departments into the same space.
I was told in the beginning that I would have a window seat, only to be told later that it was really just a concrete wall. Like I said, I wasn't looking forward to this move.
But...it's really not so bad. The office is much quieter than I thought it would be with so many people in it, and my window seat is actually a window seat, with tons of sunlight streaming in during the morning hours. The new phone system is really cool and the new building has a lot more amenities than the old one. All in all, I'm happy with the new workspace, as it's not as small as they made it seem.
They are taking away casual Friday, however, which really does suck!
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
you start a new diet
Yeah, yeah, hate all you want, but I'm allowed to be disappointed in the body that I have grown. It's not really so much about losing the 15 pounds I need to at this point, but more of learning to live a healthier lifestyle.
Over the past few months, I have had some things happen in my life that have caused me to start emotionally eating. I've grown out of most of my clothes, so it's time to make a change. My good friend, Chris, will be helping me stay motivated and stay on the right track so that by May I will be confident enough to put on the bikini for pool season. It's time to focus on ME for awhile.
This week I have started making diet changes, staying around 1200 calories a day and drinking water...no more diet coke...which is the biggest thing that I miss. I can tell you that whoever decided that 64 ounces was the amount of water a person should drink in one day, never had to spend more than 30 minutes in a car. I have to pee ALL THE TIME!!! I'm hoping I'll get over that part once my body gets used to being so hydrated.
In other news, life has been fairly good...the past couple weeks anyway. After my last date, I have decided that dating isn't really for me at this point in my life. I have been so determined to find the right guy for me, and have failed over and over. I'm done putting so much pressure on myself to find a companion. I am done obsessing about the things that I can not control, and have decided to focus my efforts on changing the things that I can.
The Colts made it to the Superbowl, and this makes me so very very happy that I can't hardly stand it. I even thought for a few minutes about making the trip down to Miami to see if I could get into the game...after further review, this trip would have cost too much money. Aside from getting into shape, another goal I have set for myself is to save some money this year and get my debt in check. As much as I would love to see my Colts win their second Superbowl, this just isn't in the cards for me this year. I will be making a trip to New Orleans this coming weekend to celebrate a good friend's birthday. A great group of people getting together to have some much needed fun. I just hope I can restrain myself from getting into any fights with those silly Saints fans.
The bigger challenge will be sticking to this new diet while I'm on a fun filled weekend getaway!
Over the past few months, I have had some things happen in my life that have caused me to start emotionally eating. I've grown out of most of my clothes, so it's time to make a change. My good friend, Chris, will be helping me stay motivated and stay on the right track so that by May I will be confident enough to put on the bikini for pool season. It's time to focus on ME for awhile.
This week I have started making diet changes, staying around 1200 calories a day and drinking water...no more diet coke...which is the biggest thing that I miss. I can tell you that whoever decided that 64 ounces was the amount of water a person should drink in one day, never had to spend more than 30 minutes in a car. I have to pee ALL THE TIME!!! I'm hoping I'll get over that part once my body gets used to being so hydrated.
In other news, life has been fairly good...the past couple weeks anyway. After my last date, I have decided that dating isn't really for me at this point in my life. I have been so determined to find the right guy for me, and have failed over and over. I'm done putting so much pressure on myself to find a companion. I am done obsessing about the things that I can not control, and have decided to focus my efforts on changing the things that I can.
The Colts made it to the Superbowl, and this makes me so very very happy that I can't hardly stand it. I even thought for a few minutes about making the trip down to Miami to see if I could get into the game...after further review, this trip would have cost too much money. Aside from getting into shape, another goal I have set for myself is to save some money this year and get my debt in check. As much as I would love to see my Colts win their second Superbowl, this just isn't in the cards for me this year. I will be making a trip to New Orleans this coming weekend to celebrate a good friend's birthday. A great group of people getting together to have some much needed fun. I just hope I can restrain myself from getting into any fights with those silly Saints fans.
The bigger challenge will be sticking to this new diet while I'm on a fun filled weekend getaway!
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